Dragonfly Lost: How To Emerge From The Dark & Find Yourself Again

Imagine you're a dragonfly. You've excitedly scoped and planned out your day. You might travel to this field next to a pond, ingest some sweet mosquitos, then visit another field for dessert. You might run into a predator or two, but you're not worried because you're fast and you can change direction faster than any creature on earth. You're the OG helicopter ... created by God Himself.

You've had a pleasant day, chatted with a few of your friends and daydreamed about what you'll get into tomorrow. You're resting on the shaft of a flower in a field at dusk. The remaining sun glistens through your wings as the cool evening breeze eases in. You bow your head to drink from a flower droplet. When you look up, it is night. Pitch black.

You're not sure what to do or where to go. You hadn't realized it was so late in the day. You can't see a darn thing. Sure, you can change direction fast, but that gift is no use to you in this moment. You don't know where to go from here. As the anxiety arises in your chest, you feel paralyzed. If you can’t fly, you’ll starve because you only eat prey you catch while flying.You decide to just perch in that one spot for the night until the sun comes back up. Surely you can make it without eating until daybreak.

Now, imagine you are that same dragonfly who happens to have the lifespan of the average human ... and the sun doesn't come up for 10 solid years in a row.

What happens to you over that time? Do you just sit there and die? Do you develop night vision? Do you search for food and water, or just pray it somehow makes its way to you? What about your friends? Are they all experiencing the same confusion and darkness? Where did they all go? Do they care that you've disappeared?

Perhaps you once knew what you wanted to eat, and you hopped from pond to lake, field to field, seeking that meal out.

But now, in total darkness, day after day, month after month, year after year ... you don't remember what field you started out in, much less who you are. You can't recall anything but disillusionment and a feeling of being utterly lost and alone.

Over time, you've learned to eat whatever happens to land on the flower in front of you, feeling it out with your feet. Feels like a mosquito. Might be a mosquito. You eat it because you have to survive somehow.

You drink whatever dew forms in front of you. You forget what it was to have a craving for a particular water source, insect, tadpole or to have a desire to take an adventure to a particular region.

Darkness has a way of making you forget where you are, where you're going and even who you were when the sun first set.

Is it any surprise some of us wake up after a loss, tragedy, divorce, etc. and have absolutely no idea who we are, what we want or where we want to go?

"What do I want now?" the dragonfly asks. "I'm not the fly girl I once was. I don't even know if I want the things I used to want. The years of darkness have changed me."

Imagine the sun finally rises on this dragonfly who feels completely different than she did ten years ago...

She can see again, albeit blurry and fuzzy.

She can seek out food again, if she can find her appetite.

She can seek out adventures again, if she can figure out a field worth exploring.

Her wings are not as strong as they used to be, but she still have enough brevity to make herself go forward.

She doesn't turn corners and adjust to change as easily as she once did, but she can still get around.

Food tastes odd now. Friends faces have faded into memory.

Honestly, none of it seems appealing anymore. Everything is enveloped in a foggy mist of need and want, and not being able to tell the difference between the two.

So, to all of you sweet souls out there who are having a hard time figuring out who you are, give yourself grace and time. Be patient with the process. You were thrust into a dark place for a very long time, by this or that circumstance, and when the sun does rise again, it's going to take an adjustment period to figure out who you are now.

It takes time to answer the question "Who am I ... now?"

But, it is a question that must be answered.

While waiting for the answer to come, I suggest the following:

• Be open and honest with loved ones about how you're feeling and where you are in your emotional journey. If they grow impatient or bully you, you don't have to keep them around.

• Ask yourself the question WHAT DO I REALLY WANT? WHAT IS MY PURPOSE NOW? daily. As you're adjusting to the sunlight, this may change from month to month until you get more solid in your direction and purpose. I heard a story recently and this guy had lost his whole family in an accident. He asked his therapist, "do you think I'll ever be happy again?" and the therapist replied, "I don't think your goal now is to find happiness. I think your goal is to find purpose. It is purpose that will carry you to happiness, if happiness is in the cards for you. And, it's purpose that will carry you period, whether you ever find happiness or not."

• Try new things. You never know. You might find a new passion and purpose you never knew existed.